Of Late

W: I wish I could see a real dinosaur!
L: You can. You have.
W: No, I haven't.
L: Yes, you have.
W: Nuh-uh!
L: Uh-huh!
W: Nuh-uh! Mama! Luke said that I have seen a real dinosaur, but I haven't seen a real dinosaur!
L: Yes, he has! Birds are dinosaurs.
Me: Ummm.....
L: They are! They really are! They evolved from dinosaurs, so they ARE dinosaurs.
Me: Ok. You evolved from a monkey. Are you a monkey?
L: No. I evolved from an ape-like creature. And yes, I am an ape-like creature because all primates are ape-like creatures and I'm a primate.

Logic to support illogic. It's his forte, really.



 W: Good night, Mama. Tomorrow morning, I am going to eat Black Cat.
Me: Why, exactly?
W: Because she always bites me.
Me: I'm actually not sure Black Cat has ever bitten you. Mostly, she runs away from you. Yellow Cat, on the other hand, bites you almost every day.
W: Yes. But I like Yellow Cat. He's my best cat. I will eat Black Cat.
Me: How about we don't need to eat any of our pets?
W: I do need to eat one of our pets. The one that I will need to eat is Black Cat. Tomorrow.

Half the time, he refuses to eat meat because he says, "Animals are good guys and I like them," but he's perfectly willing to consider the possibility of eating our cat. Wonderful.



L: I need a plunger.
Me: Because...
L: It's a secret.
Me: So then, no.
L, sighing: Fine. I'm going to suction the shower door.
Me: You're...what?
L: To see how a remora holds onto a shark. My book said to use a plunger.
Me: I'm going to need to see this book because I have no idea what you just said to me.

The book did, in fact, recommend using a plunger to demonstrate how a remora uses suction to hold onto a shark. And look, now the word "remora" is in my vocabulary. How rich my life has become. (That was sarcasm. In case you wondered.)



W: Can I go outside and yell?
Me: Better than yelling inside, I guess.
W: Can I go outside and use my tractor end lego thing that squeaks?
Me: I don't know what you're talking about, but if it's too loud for inside, then yes, you may use it outside.
W: Can I go outside and throw my baseball?
Me: Yes.
W: Can I go outside and plant in my garden?
Me: Your garden isn't quite ready yet, but you may dig in the sandbox.
W: Can I go outside and make a beehive?
Me: Um...sure?
W: Can I go outside?
Me: Weston. I have said yes like thirty times. Go. Outside.
W: I don't want to go outside. I want you to read me a book.

I'm pretty sure this kid is trying to test my grip on sanity.