Addicted

When I was pregnant with Luke, I was excited about a lot of things, but I was especially excited about the birth. Not just the getting to meet the baby part, but the actual labor part. I just kind of wanted to know what all the fuss was about.

So now, I know. And since I do know, one would think that this time, I'd be utterly unexcited about the labor, right? Yeah. Not so much. If possible, I'm even more excited this time around because of what I know from the last time.

I mean, granted it was painful and there were moments when I thought that I was stuck in a time loop and that the universe was going to implode and I'd still be stuck in the stupid time loop. I'm not even joking, there were multiple times when I had THAT EXACT THOUGHT run through my head. But? It was also kind of amazing.

In the midst of all the ridiculous, never-ending pain, there were moments when I felt like--and this is going to sound kind of...absurd...but just go with me for a second--a spiritual being. I know. I can't believe I just typed that. But there were moments when my mind was bigger than my body, when I felt like I had transcended time and space, when I was in my body, but also looking at myself from outside my body. People were in the room, and then, they weren't. I was in the chair, and then, I was in the tub. Time stopped flowing continuously and instead jumped around, stopped, went backwards, sped up, and I was just along for the ride. I imagine that's what an acid trip might feel like, except that I didn't have to break any laws or use any drugs to get there.

I have 18-ish weeks until I get to go there again and honestly, I can't wait. I'm an addict and my drug of choice is birth.

Mission Accomplished

For about a month now, McMoose has been "reminding" me to print out a copy of my credit report, so that when we get around to applying for a home loan later this year, we won't be met with any ugly surprises. Two of the three credit reporting agencies were fabulous and spewed out page after page of information about every financial decision I've made in the past 10 years or so. I mean, stuff that I didn't even remember about my own credit history was in there. But then, there was the third agency. According to them, they were unable to verify my existence, so I'd have to find another way to get my credit report. Mind you, they gave me no clue what this "other way" was, so apparently, it was supposed to be a little challenge--find our phone number and you will have proven yourself worthy of knowing YOUR OWN credit history.

As challenges go, it was a pretty pitiful one, so I called them today. The interaction with an automated system went something like this:

System: Welcome to CreditReportingAgency. You can obtain your free, annual report by entering your zip code, social security number, birth date, and the numerical portion of your address. Are you visually impaired? Please press 1 if you are and 2 if you are not.
Me, unsure why it would matter if I were VISUALLY impaired, since this was a PHONE call: *2*
System: Please enter your zip code.
Me: *Enter zip code*
System: Please enter your social security number.
Me: *Enter social security number*
System: Please enter your eight digit date of birth.
Me: *Enter date of birth*
System: Please enter the numerical portion of your address.
Me: *Enter numerical portion*
System: Would you like to order your credit score for an additional $7? Press 1 for yes and 2 for no.
Me: *2*
System: Your credit score is important for reasons x, y, and z. Would you like to order your credit score? Press 1 for yes and 2 for no.
Me: *2!!!*
System: Would you like to enroll for a free membership in blah-blah-blah? Press 1 for yes and 2 for no.
Me: *2*
System: Are you sure? It's a FREE membership, with no obligation if you cancel within 30 days. It's useful for reasons x, y, z. And for reasons a, b, c. Oh, and for reasons l, m, n, o, and p. Now would you like to enroll for a free membership? Press 1 for yes and 2 for no.
Me: *2!!!!!!*
System: Please expect your credit report in one week. Good-bye.

How is it that the automated phone system knew, with some very basic information about me, EXACTLY who I was AND where I lived, but the online system was "unable to verify?"

Helpful

Luke ate a snack at 4:30, and then at 5, decided that he would waste away to nothing if he didn't have another, so he climbed up into his high chair and moaned pitifully, "Eat, eat, eeeeaaaattt, pleeeeeaaaaase!"

Me: Luke. You JUST ate.
Luke: Pleeeeeaaaaaase. Eat.
Me: Sigh. Fine. What do you want to eat?
Luke: Carrots.
*As an aside, we've offered this child carrots 850 times in the past. Every time, his reaction has been something along the lines of Ew-what's-this-gross-orange-stuff-on-my-plate-let-me-throw-it-at-the-dog. For the past two days, however, he's been living off the carrots from a chicken soup that I made. Apparently, the trick was to cook the carrots in chicken broth.*
Me: We don't have carrots. How about peas?
Luke: No peas!
Me: Broccoli?
Luke: No yuck broccoli!
Me: So what do you want?
Luke: Bread. It's up there, see? *Points to the top of the fridge.*

Because clearly, I would have no idea where the bread was located without his assistance.

The Return of the Bullet Post

• Luke felt and saw Hopper kick for the first time today. You know those photos with the pregnant mom and the toddler reaching up to feel her belly? I always looked at those and thought, "Aww, how sweet," but the reality was so much sweeter. I told Luke that Hopper was poking him and he thought it was pretty funny.
• It scares me a little bit that at 21 weeks, Hopper's kicks are strong enough to be seen clearly from the outside. I think Luke hit that particular milestone around week 30, maybe? So if this is week 21, what's week 30--or week 40, for that matter--going to be like with this one?!
• It annoys me when the weather website calls for a partly cloudy day with a high of 63 and it's been cloudy and the warmest it's been all day is 55. Really, is it necessary to get my hopes all up? Can't you just predict the worst case scenario so that if it's sunny and warm, I can be happily surprised?
• My normally blue car is currently green because of the pollen in the air. I always forget this about spring in North Carolina, but the next time I'm in the market for a new car, I'm totally buying a green one.
  

A Preview of Two

Luke was such an easy baby. Luke was SUCH an easy toddler. But now, Luke is two months away from being two, and oh, my, do I ever get the feeling that Luke will NOT be such an easy two-year-old.

When I worked in the daycare, I always thought it was so much easier to care for and teach the toddlers who got upset easily than the ones who thought that everything in life was a great joke. After all, you could use a stern voice with the sensitive ones and make a big impact. A stern voice would just make the life-is-a-joke ones mimic you and fall down laughing. GUESS WHICH KID I GOT.

As of this week, a stern voice makes ZERO impact. Taking a break from the situation makes zero impact. Redirection: zero impact. Distraction: zero impact. Repeating a consequence over and over and over again (ie-telling him that he may sit on the couch or stand on the floor and removing him from the couch to the floor every.single.time. he tries to stand on the couch): Zero. Impact. Because all of these things are GREAT FUN for him. It's wonderfully exciting for him to tell me a rule ("No spit food, Mama. EAT food!") and then watch my reaction as he breaks the rule. It's oh-so-much-fun to clamber back up on the couch for the 500th time because maybe THIS will be the time he gets away with it.

And the running monologue in my head goes something like this: Be patient. Be gentle. He isn't being willfully disobedient. He's just testing out his world. Be patient. Be kind. He's one. You're twenty-six. You can rise above. Be patient. Be calm. Don't make this more fun for him than it already is by losing your cool. He lacks impulse control...you HAVE impulse control. So control yourself. Be patient. Be patient. Be patient.

But oh, this is hard work today.

Conversations From Today

At home this morning:
Luke: Guk eat Ooh-ooh munch? (Translation: gorilla munch, which is Luke's favorite cereal.)
Me: You already ate all the munch, but I can make some oatmeal.
Luke: Put more munch in oatmeal.
Me: I can't put munch in your oatmeal. You ate it all. The box is empty.
Luke: Put more munch in the box.

In the car:
Me: Look, Luke, there's a blue bus!
Luke: That's a blue truck, actually.
Me: It's a truck?
Luke: Yes.
Me: Fine. It was a blue truck.
Luke: Nooo! That's a buuuuusssss!
Me: It's a bus now. Ok, fine. A bus.
Luke: Mama. That's a blue bus.
Me: Yes, Luke, it was a blue bus.
Luke: That's a blue truck, actually.

After lunch:
Me: Ok, time to clean up.
Luke: Play a bit more first.
Me: No, we're all done playing. Put the trucks away and then, we'll go read a book and take a nap.
Luke: Mama go night-night. Guk all done night-night. Guk play a bit more. Night-night, Mama.

Love/Hate

The conversation at a playdate turned to things we love and hate about being moms. I didn't contribute much to the conversation because outside of the obvious--I love my kid, I'm not terribly fond of poopy diapers--I can't really put my finger on the answer to this question. Or rather, I can't put my finger on what I HATE.

Don't get me wrong: there are things that are hard. There are things that make me wish the clock would hurry up and get to 6 pm, so McMoose would be home and I would at least have someone with whom to share the ridiculousness of my day. But every time one of these "bad things" came into my mind, eight positive factors of the very same thing revealed themselves as well.

Let's start with the sleep deprivation that comes with a 22-month-old who has slept through the night--or rather, who has allowed ME to sleep through the night--exactly four times. Four. Times. And when I say "sleep through the night," I mean for six hours. But then, when he was a newborn and his whole body fit between the palm of my hand and my elbow, I got such joy out of being the only one awake with him in the middle of the night. When he was slightly bigger and starting to smile, it was delightful to see his bright face, even at 2 am. And now, now might be my favorite of all because when he wakes up, McMoose brings him to bed with us and he snuggles in beside me with his sweet, toddler self and sleepily asks me to sing the "Baa song."

And then, there are the weird toddler moments when he's just. not. going to do what I asked. This morning, for example, there was sand in his sandals and he flatly refused to put them back on to walk upstairs, so I had to carry him up to our third floor apartment. And then, when I asked him to at least hold the shoes while I unlocked the apartment, he threw them on the floor. And refused to bring them inside the apartment when I asked. On the other hand, getting up the stairs is SO MUCH FASTER when I'm carrying him and I was hungry, so fast was a good thing. And his pouty face is pretty cute. And when I informed him that he could come inside the apartment when his shoes came with him, he slowly rolled the shoes in with his feet, instead of touching them with his hands because they were "yucky." Even in the moment, that was pretty humorous.

There's the crying in the car, but the flip side of that is singing in the car. There's the fact that my living room is never, ever free of some little emblem of toddlerhood, but then, when he finds a stray toy after we've cleaned up, he exclaims, "Uh-oh, train/truck/book/puzzle! Back to box!" There's the refusal to eat vegetables, but then again, there's the fact that he is always up for trying new foods and behaves wonderfully at restaurants. There's the fact that McMoose and I got all dressed up last weekend, only to have the baby-sitter cancel on us, but then, I got to sit with Luke while he fell asleep and then, we ate yummy food on our living room floor while watching a good movie AND we didn't have to pay anyone sixteen dollars or rush back home at the right time or deal with a toddler who was up past his bedtime.

Granted, there are the poopy diapers. But I do love when the diapers are all washed and fluffy and sitting in the laundry basket, waiting for the next day. Plus, it's funny when I'm changing him and AS I'M CLEANING HIM OFF, he informs me that "Guk not poopy, just wet!"

Conversations Not To Be Had In The Produce Aisle

Since I've started showing, I've gotten some odd comments while out with the boys. Mostly along the lines of, "Wow, you've got your hands full!" and, "Don't you know what CAUSES that?" followed by some laughter (on the commenter's part) because ha-ha-ha, they're just the funniest people on the planet. Mostly, I brush these comments off because clearly, those making the comments must have entirely too much free time, as well as a rather boring life if they need to insert their noses into the lives of complete strangers.

Yesterday morning, we were rushing through the produce section of the grocery store, picking up bananas on our way to a meeting that we were already running late for because bananas are the essential component to surviving outings with toddlers. And as I was trying to find a cluster of two bananas instead of eight, a woman approached me.

Woman: Oh, wow, you've got your hands full!
Me: *Non-committal noise*
Woman: You know, if you're one of those people who doesn't believe in birth control, you should just breastfeed your baby. My daughter says that it helps space them out naturally!
Me: *Jaw drops because WHOA, this conversation just went from Personal to Is-This-Really-Happening Nutty.* Uh...actually...*Point to Luke* This one weaned about a month ago. *Point to Other Baby* And this one is still nursing. Oh, and we're on our way to a La Leche League meeting. Thanks, but I think I have the breastfeeding thing covered.

And then, I walked away feeling like for once, I had known what to say in one of these situations, instead of staring like a mute fool. And then, THEN, I realized that I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT OTHER BABY WASN'T MINE. So instead of saying that I nursed my first child halfway through my second pregnancy, what I actually implied is that I nursed my first child fully through my second pregnancy AND tandem nursed my first two children halfway through a third pregnancy AND am continuing to nurse my second child through the third pregnancy.

Holy Cow, that woman thinks I'm CRAZY. (Then again, I think she's pretty crazy too, so I guess we're even?)

In Which I Show Off A Hopper

Apparently, the difference between a first baby and a second is that with the first, you rush home right after the ultrasound, scan the pictures, and put them up on your blog immediately. With the second, it takes a couple of weeks. Sorry, Hopper. (Which reminds me: for the remainder of this pregnancy, the small person sharing my body shall be called Hopper, short for Grasshopper. I named this person Grasshopper right after seeing the positive pregnancy test and it turns out to be a very apt name because I'm pretty sure he spends ALL of his awake time doing exactly that. Hopping, that is. No gentle flutters and rolling around for this one...he's all about making his presence FELT.)

From the above paragraph, you might have surmised that yes, he is in fact a HE. I'm so excited at the idea of having two little boys close in age and Luke regularly talks about his "baby brother." In fact, at the bookstore this evening, he picked out a snowman board book to read to his baby brother.

Here's Hopper in profile:

And here he is in 3-d, hiding his face behind his hand:

And here he is, smiling as much as an 18-week-old fetus can smile:

We never had the 3-d ultrasound with Luke, so it was pretty cool to watch Hopper make faces and suck his thumb. Plus, I think maybe he has my nose.

Pictures, Round Two

As always, picture posts come in multiples, so here's the second half.

Luke and Other Baby spent a lot of time in November and December having dance parties with various stuffed animals. The giant frog was always a favorite:

Apparently, there was a lot of snow while we were in India, but this is all the snow we've seen this year:His head is big and his hands are small. End result: when we buy hat-and-mitten sets, the mittens fall off and get lost. (Somehow, we also managed to lose the hat.) Oh, and notice the rain boots in lieu of snow boots? Yeah, we're clearly not cut out for colder climes. We did some art exploration in the bathtub. The purpose of this activity was to paint the little box. See how most of the paint is not on the box?His hand looked awfully cool, though: A woman at Bath & Body Works sold me this ludicrously expensive bottle of bubble bath. I have to admit, I'm a little bit addicted to the stuff. As is my child:I get this look pretty frequently when I intrude on Luke & Other Baby's games. I believe it says, "This club is by invitation only, and you're not invited."

India

As I was going through our pictures, it occurred to me that I haven't posted any since Halloween, so let's start with the India trip. Here's Luke looking all cool and collected the first morning in our hotel room. He was in heaven because our room faced a busy road and he got to see trucks! And buses! And autos! And one morning, a cow!

I think his absolute favorite activity was our visit to the Crocodile Farm. (It was kinda my favorite too, if we're being perfectly honest.) I felt like McMoose should try to convince Luke to pretend the crocodile in the sign was eating his hand, but Luke doesn't take that sort of direction just yet, so we settled for a blank stare.

Here are Luke and McMoose, admiring a 20-foot-long crocodile. Just after we took this picture, the 20-foot-long crocodile looked straight at Luke like he might like him as a morning snack, so we just moved right along.

Here we are with my dad, whom Luke firmly refused to hug...or high-five...or talk to...or really acknowledge in any way.

Here's Luke dressed in one of his many new fancy, Indian outfits, playing with my mom.

And here he is in another one--this was what he wore to the wedding where he was photographed endlessly:

We found this random petting zoo at a restaurant we went to, where people got to feed carrots to the rabbits: And after we ate, we went on a wild goose chase looking for a farm with some cows...so I guess that makes it a tame cow chase? Eventually, we found them and got to see a super cute 21-day-old calf, along with the rest of the cow family. Luke was not so excited about the cows, what with their largeness and their loudness. But after the cows (it was a long, action-filled day), we went to a beach resort for some tea and Luke got to practice his monkey skills. After taking him down off this tree, we looked closer and realized that there were a billion red, biting ants on the tree...luckily, none on Luke or McMoose, though!

Mushroom, Mushroom

My plan is to post pictures by the end of the week, but we all know how my plans tend to go awry, so in the meantime, here are some videos instead.

Video 1: This is the link to the Badger Song, for those of you who are unfamiliar.

Video 2: This is the link to Luke's version of the badger song. Personally, my favorite is when he ducks down in the tub and says "Eek, a scary snake!," but he's so excited that you can't actually tell what he's saying.