Addicted

When I was pregnant with Luke, I was excited about a lot of things, but I was especially excited about the birth. Not just the getting to meet the baby part, but the actual labor part. I just kind of wanted to know what all the fuss was about.

So now, I know. And since I do know, one would think that this time, I'd be utterly unexcited about the labor, right? Yeah. Not so much. If possible, I'm even more excited this time around because of what I know from the last time.

I mean, granted it was painful and there were moments when I thought that I was stuck in a time loop and that the universe was going to implode and I'd still be stuck in the stupid time loop. I'm not even joking, there were multiple times when I had THAT EXACT THOUGHT run through my head. But? It was also kind of amazing.

In the midst of all the ridiculous, never-ending pain, there were moments when I felt like--and this is going to sound kind of...absurd...but just go with me for a second--a spiritual being. I know. I can't believe I just typed that. But there were moments when my mind was bigger than my body, when I felt like I had transcended time and space, when I was in my body, but also looking at myself from outside my body. People were in the room, and then, they weren't. I was in the chair, and then, I was in the tub. Time stopped flowing continuously and instead jumped around, stopped, went backwards, sped up, and I was just along for the ride. I imagine that's what an acid trip might feel like, except that I didn't have to break any laws or use any drugs to get there.

I have 18-ish weeks until I get to go there again and honestly, I can't wait. I'm an addict and my drug of choice is birth.