31 Weeks

Conversation with odious cashier today:

Him: You're ready to pop anytime, huh?
Me: Not for another two months.
Him, leaning over, staring at my belly, and bugging out his eyes: Two more MONTHS?!
Me: Yeah...
Him: Do you have twins in there?!
Me: ...No...
Him: Damn! Well, that'll be a...healthy...baby!

Because a "Thank you, have a nice day," wouldn't have sufficed?

Constant

In the equation of Luke's life, I am the constant.

I know this won't be true for long. But right now, today, I am the keeper of his story. I know the context behind each scrape and bruise, I know why he's wary of tall slides, and most of the time, I can decipher what he's saying and add enough background to create a cohesive tale. This is pretty awesome.

But as with everything, there's a flip side. The flip side of being his constant is that he's mine. He's there when I have errands to run, when I have a headache, when I'm exhausted from waking up 200 times the night before because I just couldn't get my Very Large Belly situated comfortably. He's there when I eat a snack, clamoring for a bite before I even sit down. He's there when I need to pee, offering to flush the toilet for me. He's there, offering advice on which shoes I should wear every time we leave the apartment.

At some point, the constancy gets a little overwhelming. Earlier this week, I was bemoaning the lack of spontaneity in my life.

"I can't just go pick up a sandwich for lunch," I said to The Dog, who listened dutifully, "without changing diapers, putting on three sets of shoes, keeping two toddlers from plummeting down the stairs, dragging those same two toddlers across the parking lot to my car as they try to run in opposite directions, strapping them each into their carseats as they yell about wanting to do the buckles themselves, listening to an incessant stream of loud chatter about trucks during the drive, unbuckling them as they yell about wanting to do it themselves, dragging them across another parking lot, and then trying to keep them from pulling over shelves and chairs wherever we go." The Dog sniffed sympathetically.

Luckily, Other Baby's mom is a teacher and is off for the summer in about three weeks. I'm thinking maybe after having two toddlers around, just having one for a few weeks will seem like a vacation. I'd still really like it if that one quit following me to the bathroom, though.

Sassy Monkey

Luke and Other Baby pulled all our couch cushions onto the floor and were jumping from the couch onto the pillows.

Me: What are you doing?
Luke: Make Monkey Joe's! [Aside: Monkey Joe's is a bounce house near us.]
Me: You made Monkey Joe's?
Luke: Yes! Jumping on pillows. It's fun!

Glad to see they can keep themselves busy. And here, I've been wasting the money on gas and admission to Monkey Joe's, when apparently, I could've just piled pillows on the floor.

A little while later, I was telling them to get ready for naptime.

Luke: No! Play Monkey Joe's more!
Me: We're all done with Monkey Joe's for now. Let's get a book to read.
Luke: No, thank you, Anisha! I want play Monkey Joe's more!

More Tact, Please

Dear Birth Professionals,

In case you were not already aware, it is inadvisable to enter a room with a pregnant woman and utter the phrase, "Wow, you must be getting pretty close, huh?" Because at least some of the time, you will get something along the lines of, "Um...no...I have eleven weeks left." And when you do get that response? It is even more inadvisable to say, "Well, I wish I could tell you that it would go by fast, but I'd be lying."

See the thing you're holding in your hand? The folder looking thing that has lots of papers in it? Yeah, that would be my chart. And on the very first page of my chart, on the very top line, is listed my DUE DATE. Which is in July. The very last day in July, even. So maybe, just maybe, you could've taken a quick glance at that piece of paper before coming in and making me feel like I'm carrying The Biggest Baby Ever.

(Because surely, someone who sees pregnant women all day, every day, should have a pretty good gauge of how far along you are, right? And if a person like this thinks you look like you're "getting pretty close," and you actually have two-and-a-half months left, that's not good news, is it?)

((It also does not help when you're told later in that same appointment that perhaps you should cut down on your carb intake. And that your 29-week belly is measuring like a 32-week belly should. And that your baby feels freakishly long. Really, none of this is reassuring to someone who's looking at a very long 11 weeks of carrying what is potentially The Biggest Baby Ever.))

10 Easy Steps To Planning Your Toddler's Birthday Party

1. Decide a month ahead of time that maybe a birthday party might be fun to have, even though you had previously decided that you had no interest in all the stress that comes with party planning. (Hear that ominous laughter?)

2. Spend the next two days calling party venues.

3. Discover that they're all ludicrously expensive, with the exception of one place. Luckily, it was the place you wanted all along: bonus!

4. Discover that the non-ludicrously expensive place is booked on your child's birthday. Schedule the party for a week later, reasoning that the weather is more likely to cooperate later in the month anyway. (There's that darn ominous laughter again.)

5. Send out Evites. Check email obsessively to see who RSVP's.

6. Gather party favors, plates, napkins, silverware, etc--all themed towards the chosen location (in this case, a farm.)

7. Check the weather forecast. Discover that the deluge is coming. Panic because farms? Yeah, they're OUTDOORS.

8. Decide that you'll just have it as planned and bring a raincoat and if people don't want to come, that's their loss. Realize the SHEER STUPIDITY of that plan because it will leave you soaking wet on a damn FARM with six pizzas, a barnyard cake, and no guests. And the animals probably won't even come out in the rain. And your sweet two-year-old's birthday party will be ruined AND THE WORLD WILL PROBABLY END.

9. Spend the morning calling every indoor party place within a 25 mile radius. Discover that they're STILL ludicrously expensive, but now you're desperate. Be laughed at by most of the people who answer their phone because NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND tries to book a party place with less than 48 hours notice. Be informed that the only available time is at 6 pm. Be laughed at again when you say you need it for 10 am. Apparently, 10 am is prime party time for the under-5 set. WHO KNEW?

10. Find a place with an opening at 10 am. Say, "Hallelujah," and give them your credit card number as they prattle on about extra this and add-on that. Send out the updated Evites and hope that people see the changes in time. Check email obsessively to check for new RSVP's. Decide that next year, you have NO INTEREST in all the stress that comes with party planning.

Frustration

Every day, a hundred times a day, Luke asks Other Baby if he wants something. "Other Baby, want this firetruck?" "Other Baby, want some juice?" "Other Baby, want to go to playground?" Etc.

But as much as Luke and Other Baby love each other, they're also really great at annoying each other. Other Baby, for his part, is fast. Really, really fast. And Luke announces his intentions about 20 seconds before he starts moving to accomplish said intentions, so the following scene repeats itself approximately eighty times a day:

Luke: Guk want that red block.
Other Baby: *Drops whatever he's doing and gets the red block* MY block!
Luke: No! My block!
Other Baby: My block!
Luke: My block!

...you get the idea. Luke then spends the next ten minutes or so offering Other Baby every other toy on the universe and Other Baby responds by clutching the red block and saying, "My block," one-hundred-and-eleventy times.

Today, after this scene had been re-played over and over all day, Luke finally decided that he'd had enough.

Luke: Other Baby, want this firetruck?
Other Baby: MY block!
Luke: Other Baby, want this airplane?
Other Baby: MY block!
Luke: Other Baby, want this book?
Other Baby: MY block!
Luke: Other Baby, want Guk bite you?

Is it wrong that I laughed?

Shakori 2011!

We went to a four-day music and camping festival with Other Baby and his parents a couple of weeks ago. The first couple of days were cold, wet, and generally miserable, but once the sun made an appearance, a good time was had by all, particularly the toddlers.

Hanging out in the sun
Luke and Other Baby snacking on the wagon:

Big smiles!

Even in the rain, camping is fun. (Says Luke. I disagree. Mightily.)

Blowing small bubbles.

Blowing BIG bubbles!
Sticks and mud: the perfect toddler toys!

Hammock-ing. And in case you were wondering, the red stuff on his face is ketchup.

I think they were both trying to stake a claim to the toy car. Very serious business, as you can see by the looks on their faces.

What's a music festival if you don't dance a little?
He's eating ice...and being weird.

Birthday Trip to the Zoo

Here are some pictures from the zoo.

Here's Luke at the beginning of the day. He seems to have perfected his, "I'm too cool for this," look.

There was a helicopter. Of COURSE he had to sit in the helicopter.

And of course, he had to sit on the head of the bronze rhino.

...And pick it's nose...

"Let's go THIS way!"

Taking a short break with Dada.

Just because...

Ta-da! I'm on a bee! The otters were his favorite. Every time they swam by, he squealed and laughed and then asked for more.We weren't going fast enough, apparently.

After all that, is it any wonder that this is how he ended the day?

Random Pictures

Time for the picture post(s). Today, we have a set of random pictures from the past 3 months.

Now that he falls asleep by himself, we've been finding him asleep in some strange places. One of his favorites is the Moses basket he used to sleep in as a newborn.

I like the juxtaposition of the monkey pj's and the banana, don't you?

On the morning of his birthday, I tried to show him how to hold up two fingers to show how old he was. The result?

We decided to wait to get his "big" birthday present until after his party next weekend, so on his birthday, we gave him something small. Looking...

See how excited he was about his new books? (Which is odd, considering how much he loves books...)

Apparently, the bag was much more intriguing.

Terrific Two!

I can hardly believe that Luke turned two today. At random moments throughout the day, I've looked at my watch and thought, "At this time two years ago, I was doing ____." It's amazing what a difference two years makes. It seems like he's been around forever and at the same time, it seems like I blinked and he went from being brand new to being a sassy, crazy two-year-old.

So what's Luke like at two? Predictably, he likes to climb and run and spin in circles and dance. Not so predictably, he also likes to clean. He'd spend all day reading, given half the chance, and one of his favorite places to go is the library. He has developed a new found affection for stuffed animals, and when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he brings an assortment of kangaroos and dogs and frogs into our bed with him and then, we get to spend the rest of the night rolling on said animals--not such a big deal until you happen to roll onto the elephant, which plays an annoyingly shrill version of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

He's still pretty mellow for his age, but every day, a little bit more of the two-year-old comes shining through. His current favorite words are "No," and "Mine," and his most-used phrase is "I'm do it!" Of course, "I'm do it," frequently turns into "Mama help Guk," when the task at hand becomes more frustrating than he'd expected. He's developed a well-tuned whine, so we spend lots of time practicing nice voices, but often, when I ask him to repeat a request in a nice voice, he whispers it inaudibly and grins at me.

And of course, he has attitude up to his ears. He's pretty convinced he knows everything there is to know about the world and that his way is absolutely the right way. His birthday party isn't until next weekend, so to celebrate his actual birthday, we took him to the zoo, where the following conversation occurred:

McMoose: Look, see the baboons?
Luke: Yes!
McMoose: What do baboons say?
Luke: They go boom!
McMoose: Noooo...they go "Ooh-ooh-ooh!"
Luke, looking annoyed: They do NOT go "Ooh-ooh." They are baBOOMS. They go BOOM!

In Need Of Assistance

My ridiculous body has failed me yet again. Well, not so much failed ME as failed the glucose screening. Which means I get to do the 3-hour glucose test. Again. Last time, that didn't go so well and I'm hoping for a lot less drama this time. However, the scheduling process? Not going so well.

I don't think I fully appreciated just how easy it was to schedule tests and doctor's appointments during my last pregnancy, when all I had to worry about was my (very flexible) and McMoose's (slightly less flexible) work schedules. Now, not only do I have to continue to work with McMoose's work schedule, but I also have to work around meals, naps, and Other Baby's grandmother's schedule since she very kindly takes care of him while I'm at my appointments. (My mind boggles to imagine taking TWO toddlers to my midwife appointments. BOGGLES.)

So I called to schedule my appointment and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi, I'm calling to schedule the 3-hour GD test.
Receptionist: Oh, we do a 1-hour one first.
Me: Yes. I know. I already took that one.
Receptionist: And did you pass?
Me, wondering WHY ON EARTH I'd want to take the 3-hour one if I'd passed the 1-hour one: Um...no...
Receptionist: Ok, you'll need to schedule the 3-hour test then.
Me: Yes...I know...That's...why I'm...calling...Can I come in tomorrow?
Receptionist: Sure! What time of day would you like to come in?
Me: As early as possible.
Receptionist: Oh. That might be a problem. Could you come in the afternoon?
Me: Well...I'm supposed to stop eating at midnight the night before, right?
Receptionist: Yes.
Me: So then, no, I don't think I'll make it until the AFTERNOON.

Really? REALLY? Could this process possibly be more complicated?