McMoose: That pineapple fell on the floor. That means it's trash now.
Luke: That means it's NOT trash now. It's FOOD.
Me: Luke, don't touch the toilet water!
Luke: There's no poo-poo in there. It's clean right now.
Luke: Other Baby want this firetruck?
Other Baby: No.
Luke: Other Baby! Want this firetruck?
Other Baby: No!
Luke, wrestling Other Baby down and shoving the firetruck into this hands: Other Baby WANT THIS FIRETRUCK?
Other Baby: Yes.
Luke, pointing to a goose: Duck!
Me: That's a goose.
Luke: That. Is. A. Duck. Actually. Goes quack-quack. It's duck.
Me: Luke, do you hear the rain outside?
Luke: Shh.
Me: Um...did you just shush me?
Luke: SHHHHH! No more talk, Mama! Guk want hear thunder.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
26 Weeks
There's always a certain "sizing up" that happens when moms run into other parents with kids who look to be the same age as their own. Most of the time, the icebreaker that I use (and hear) most often on the playground is, "How old is your child?" And I've noticed that it happens during pregnancy too--when I see another pregnant woman, we both take a look at each others' belly and try to figure out how far along the other one is in comparison to ourselves.
I had one of those moments today when I took Luke and Other Baby to the park. There was another mom there with her daughter and she looked about as pregnant as I am. Or so I thought...
OtherMom: When are you due?
Me: The end of July.
OtherMom: ...Oh...I thought you looked closer to me...
Me: When are you due?
OtherMom: Yesterday.
I'm choosing to believe that she just looked really fabulous for being a day past her expected due date (which she totally did), because the alternative? The one that has me looking like I'm nine months pregnant instead of six? That alternative scares me kind of a lot because WHAT WILL I LOOK LIKE IN THREE MONTHS???
I had one of those moments today when I took Luke and Other Baby to the park. There was another mom there with her daughter and she looked about as pregnant as I am. Or so I thought...
OtherMom: When are you due?
Me: The end of July.
OtherMom: ...Oh...I thought you looked closer to me...
Me: When are you due?
OtherMom: Yesterday.
I'm choosing to believe that she just looked really fabulous for being a day past her expected due date (which she totally did), because the alternative? The one that has me looking like I'm nine months pregnant instead of six? That alternative scares me kind of a lot because WHAT WILL I LOOK LIKE IN THREE MONTHS???
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Growing Pains
This morning, Luke was frustrated about a toy not doing what he wanted and instead of throwing it across the room, he said, "Ay-ay-ay! Goodness!" And later, on our way home from lunch, he informed me that it was hot in the car and I should turn on the a/c. It made me pause for a minute because...when did he get big? I get so caught up in the day-to-day of being his Mama that sometimes, of celebrating the firsts, that I forget that along with the firsts come a lot of lasts.
It wasn't so long ago that when we were having a rough day, I'd put on some music, settle Luke on one hip and Other Baby on the other, and we'd all dance like crazy. It wasn't so long ago that the three of us went to an indoor bouncy playspace and I could get all three of us up the ladders and down the slides with no problem. This morning, when I took Luke, I was informed that "Pregnancy is not allowed" on the bounce houses. And after I'm done being pregnant, I'll have a newborn, and if pregnancy isn't allowed, I'm guessing newborns are really, really not allowed and soon, Luke won't even need help going up those ladders. Was the last time I went down a bounce house slide with him really the last time?
It wasn't so long ago that when we were having a rough day, I'd put on some music, settle Luke on one hip and Other Baby on the other, and we'd all dance like crazy. It wasn't so long ago that the three of us went to an indoor bouncy playspace and I could get all three of us up the ladders and down the slides with no problem. This morning, when I took Luke, I was informed that "Pregnancy is not allowed" on the bounce houses. And after I'm done being pregnant, I'll have a newborn, and if pregnancy isn't allowed, I'm guessing newborns are really, really not allowed and soon, Luke won't even need help going up those ladders. Was the last time I went down a bounce house slide with him really the last time?
Friday, April 15, 2011
I Quit
I started this morning eagerly. It was bright and sunny and I knew we had a fun day planned, so I didn't moan about getting out of bed. I didn't whine about how I could've used an extra 20 minutes of sleep. I was on top of things.
And then, while I showered, Luke started hitting Other Baby with a toy car, while saying, "No hit Other Baby, Guk. That make Other Baby ouchy! No give Other Baby ouchy." (Um...dude...if you KNOW that you're not supposed to hit AND you know WHY you're not supposed to hit...WHY ARE YOU HITTING???) So I hopped out of the shower, took the toy, and hopped back in, as Luke started wailing for his car. Then, Other Baby took a ball from Luke's hand and Luke retaliated by sitting on Other Baby, which resulted in more wailing from both of them. And then, Other Baby re-retaliated by biting Luke's finger. ALL IN THE COURSE OF A 10 MINUTE SHOWER. I mean, really?! So after I had hopped out of the shower for the seventh time to break up a skirmish, I decided that I was clean enough, so we just moved right along to breakfast instead.
Of course, in the midst of all the chaos, I completely forgot that Luke was in underwear instead of a diaper, so I didn't remind him to go potty. I realized my mistake when I saw him running around, clutching his pants, which is what he does...right AFTER he pees in them. A quick clothing change later, we settled down to our (cold, soggy) breakfast, and then headed out for the morning.
As we were walking down the stairs, I realized I didn't have extra diapers, but figured that we'd pick some up at the dollar store, where we were stopping for some plastic Easter eggs for the egg hunt we were all so looking forward to. Did you know the dollar store carries clothes, but not diapers? When I asked, I was told that diapers were too expensive to be sold for a dollar...and yet, I can pick up a 3-pack of tube socks, no problem.
We were just about to leave the store when Other Baby reached out of the cart to grab something, and ended up pulling down an entire Easter display. We quickly apologized, paid for our things, and made a dash for the exit as the store employees glared at us.
Finally, we got to the park, where I ended up borrowing a diaper because I suspected that Other Baby smelled less than pleasant. And there, at the park bathroom, I had the distinction of changing THE WORST DIAPER ever. Meanwhile, Luke was peeking under the stalls and cheerfully saying, "Hi!" to everyone who was trying to pee.
We spent all of 3 minutes picking up Easter eggs, and then, I encouraged the kids to play on the playground for a bit, in the hopes that they might burn off some energy. Instead, Luke climbed up to the highest slide there and then proceeded to freak out because he was on the highest slide there. So I put down the Easter baskets and diaper bag, instructed Other Baby to kindly stay where I could see him, and climbed up the ladder to get to Luke, who was now in the middle of the biggest fit I've ever seen from him. Of course, as soon as Other Baby realized I was not right beside him, he started freaking out too.
So there I was, standing on a horribly designed piece of playground equipment (come on, engineers...the only ways up or down were a ladder or a slide? Surely, other parents have had to rescue wailing toddlers from the top of this dumb thing before and having a discreet set of STAIRS would work wonders for this purpose!), one shrieking toddler in my arms, another attempting to climb up the ladder to get to me, and parents giving me The Eye. In the end, the only way to get off that awful thing was to put (ok, push) Luke down the slide, as he continued screaming and freaking out and then quickly climb down the ladder.
Meanwhile, Other Baby had decided that he was on a mission to find his way to us, so he had climbed up the opposite side of the play structure and as he climbed, he was sobbing, "Mama! Mama! Maaamaaa!" I finally convinced him to come to an opening so I could get him, and with a toddler perched precariously on each rapidly shrinking hip, I asked another parent to please hand me my bag and Easter baskets so I could get the kids back to the car with some vestige of decency.
And then, as I was trying to get them out to the car, my (idiotic, elastic-waist) pants fell down.
And then, while I showered, Luke started hitting Other Baby with a toy car, while saying, "No hit Other Baby, Guk. That make Other Baby ouchy! No give Other Baby ouchy." (Um...dude...if you KNOW that you're not supposed to hit AND you know WHY you're not supposed to hit...WHY ARE YOU HITTING???) So I hopped out of the shower, took the toy, and hopped back in, as Luke started wailing for his car. Then, Other Baby took a ball from Luke's hand and Luke retaliated by sitting on Other Baby, which resulted in more wailing from both of them. And then, Other Baby re-retaliated by biting Luke's finger. ALL IN THE COURSE OF A 10 MINUTE SHOWER. I mean, really?! So after I had hopped out of the shower for the seventh time to break up a skirmish, I decided that I was clean enough, so we just moved right along to breakfast instead.
Of course, in the midst of all the chaos, I completely forgot that Luke was in underwear instead of a diaper, so I didn't remind him to go potty. I realized my mistake when I saw him running around, clutching his pants, which is what he does...right AFTER he pees in them. A quick clothing change later, we settled down to our (cold, soggy) breakfast, and then headed out for the morning.
As we were walking down the stairs, I realized I didn't have extra diapers, but figured that we'd pick some up at the dollar store, where we were stopping for some plastic Easter eggs for the egg hunt we were all so looking forward to. Did you know the dollar store carries clothes, but not diapers? When I asked, I was told that diapers were too expensive to be sold for a dollar...and yet, I can pick up a 3-pack of tube socks, no problem.
We were just about to leave the store when Other Baby reached out of the cart to grab something, and ended up pulling down an entire Easter display. We quickly apologized, paid for our things, and made a dash for the exit as the store employees glared at us.
Finally, we got to the park, where I ended up borrowing a diaper because I suspected that Other Baby smelled less than pleasant. And there, at the park bathroom, I had the distinction of changing THE WORST DIAPER ever. Meanwhile, Luke was peeking under the stalls and cheerfully saying, "Hi!" to everyone who was trying to pee.
We spent all of 3 minutes picking up Easter eggs, and then, I encouraged the kids to play on the playground for a bit, in the hopes that they might burn off some energy. Instead, Luke climbed up to the highest slide there and then proceeded to freak out because he was on the highest slide there. So I put down the Easter baskets and diaper bag, instructed Other Baby to kindly stay where I could see him, and climbed up the ladder to get to Luke, who was now in the middle of the biggest fit I've ever seen from him. Of course, as soon as Other Baby realized I was not right beside him, he started freaking out too.
So there I was, standing on a horribly designed piece of playground equipment (come on, engineers...the only ways up or down were a ladder or a slide? Surely, other parents have had to rescue wailing toddlers from the top of this dumb thing before and having a discreet set of STAIRS would work wonders for this purpose!), one shrieking toddler in my arms, another attempting to climb up the ladder to get to me, and parents giving me The Eye. In the end, the only way to get off that awful thing was to put (ok, push) Luke down the slide, as he continued screaming and freaking out and then quickly climb down the ladder.
Meanwhile, Other Baby had decided that he was on a mission to find his way to us, so he had climbed up the opposite side of the play structure and as he climbed, he was sobbing, "Mama! Mama! Maaamaaa!" I finally convinced him to come to an opening so I could get him, and with a toddler perched precariously on each rapidly shrinking hip, I asked another parent to please hand me my bag and Easter baskets so I could get the kids back to the car with some vestige of decency.
And then, as I was trying to get them out to the car, my (idiotic, elastic-waist) pants fell down.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Conversations From Today
Me: Luke, do you want a banana?
Luke: Indeed!
Me: Do NOT hit Other Baby with the hammer!
Luke: No hammer Other Baby. Other Baby nice, isn't it?
Me: Yes, Other Baby is nice.
Luke: Guk nice too. Mama nice too.
Me: Yes, that's right. How about Dada?
Luke: Dada AWESOME!
Luke, pointing to our neighbor's door: White dog live there!
Me: Yes, the white dog does live there. He's big, isn't he?
Luke: Biiiiiig white dog. Make biiiiiig poo-poo.
Me: Luke, do you want one piece of sandwich or two?
Guk: Want one...two...eight, nine, ten!
Luke: Indeed!
Me: Do NOT hit Other Baby with the hammer!
Luke: No hammer Other Baby. Other Baby nice, isn't it?
Me: Yes, Other Baby is nice.
Luke: Guk nice too. Mama nice too.
Me: Yes, that's right. How about Dada?
Luke: Dada AWESOME!
Luke, pointing to our neighbor's door: White dog live there!
Me: Yes, the white dog does live there. He's big, isn't he?
Luke: Biiiiiig white dog. Make biiiiiig poo-poo.
Me: Luke, do you want one piece of sandwich or two?
Guk: Want one...two...eight, nine, ten!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Small Bed
Yesterday, we did something stupid: we kept a toddler out at a Frog Festival too late and then missed his naptime by two hours. We frequently miss naptime by an hour, so I figured it would be no big deal. Turns out, it was. So there was fussing and yelling and screeching and general displeasure, after which he zonked out and slept for THREE hours. Which means he woke up at 6 pm. Which means he went back to sleep at, oh, 11 pm. And since MY bedtime is also 11 pm, I thought we'd be all economical and just combine the two and he could go to bed WITH me.
Me: Luke, guess what!
Luke: Guess what!
Me: Do you want to sleep in the BIG bed with Mama tonight?
Luke: NO! Guk sleep small bed!
Me: Um. But Mama's tired. How about the big bed?
Luke: No big bed right now.
Me: But I can read to you in the big bed. I can SING to you and pat you.
Luke: Sleep small bed this morning. [As an aside, this child has two reference points for time: this morning and last night. So everything that has ever happened or will ever happen in his life happened last night or this morning.]
Finally, after lots of cajoling and promising to sing the baby song and the crocodile song and reading an extra book, he agreed to sleep in the big bed.
Can I just say that right now, I'm feeling a little bitter about all those people who told me, when he was a newborn, that if we started down the co-sleeping path, he'd NEVER leave our bed and I'd have to move to a Super 8 Motel in 12 years because of the very large man-child in my bed? Clearly, they're talking about some OTHER child because mine has to be bribed and tricked into co-sleeping for one measly night.
Me: Luke, guess what!
Luke: Guess what!
Me: Do you want to sleep in the BIG bed with Mama tonight?
Luke: NO! Guk sleep small bed!
Me: Um. But Mama's tired. How about the big bed?
Luke: No big bed right now.
Me: But I can read to you in the big bed. I can SING to you and pat you.
Luke: Sleep small bed this morning. [As an aside, this child has two reference points for time: this morning and last night. So everything that has ever happened or will ever happen in his life happened last night or this morning.]
Finally, after lots of cajoling and promising to sing the baby song and the crocodile song and reading an extra book, he agreed to sleep in the big bed.
Can I just say that right now, I'm feeling a little bitter about all those people who told me, when he was a newborn, that if we started down the co-sleeping path, he'd NEVER leave our bed and I'd have to move to a Super 8 Motel in 12 years because of the very large man-child in my bed? Clearly, they're talking about some OTHER child because mine has to be bribed and tricked into co-sleeping for one measly night.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Socializing for Dummies
Situation One
If you ask a visibly pregnant woman when she's due and she tells you her due date, appropriate responses include:
If you ask a visibly pregnant mother of a son whether she's having a boy or a girl and she tells you WITH A SMILE that it's a boy, appropriate responses include:
If you ask a visibly pregnant woman when she's due and she tells you her due date, appropriate responses include:
- Congratulations!
- Oh, wow, you've still got a while to go. (Yes. I have four months. Thank you for pointing that out.)
- Really? You look farther along than that. (Again, thank you for what I am sure is your very expert opinion.)
- Your baby must be pretty big! (No. My baby is 23 weeks along. Therefore, by definition, my baby is pretty darn SMALL at the moment, unless you consider a pound, give or take a few ounces, to be huge.)
- Oh, it's miserable being pregnant in the middle of summer. (Thank you for that highly positive word of encouragement.)
- Hope your AC works because that'll be rough! (My AC works fine. Which is more than I can say for your BRAIN.)
If you ask a visibly pregnant mother of a son whether she's having a boy or a girl and she tells you WITH A SMILE that it's a boy, appropriate responses include:
- Congratulations!
- Two boys! That'll be a lot to handle! (Um...I'm handling two boys for large portions of the day already, thank-you-very-much.)
- Well, you'll just have to try again for a princess. (Because (a) if this baby had been a girl, I wouldn't have been allowed to "try again?" And (b) how about if I "try again" for a computer nerd or a math genius or a gamer or a musician or a philosopher or a dancer or an animal lover or any number of things that my child could choose to be, regardless of gender?)
- Aww, were you disappointed? (Uh...I *just* met you five minutes ago. Do you really think that you're the person I'd confide my innermost thoughts to?)
- My sister's boss's best friend's cousin's daughter had two-hundred-and-forty-three boys and they finally had to do IVF to get a girl. (Really? They had to? Someone was holding a gun to their head? Huh.)
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