I spent the first trimester of this pregnancy in a pretty high state of anxiety because I was constantly convinced that Bad Things were just around the horizon. And then, I hit 13 weeks, and although I still worried about things like, "What if The Bug is born with an extra foot," at least I wasn't worried about things like, "What if I have an ectopic pregnancy and they don't catch it and my insides explode and they fix me up with robotic reproductive and gastrointestinal organs and then I can never have children or eat jalapenos again?"
And then, I hit 18 weeks and had an ultrasound, which reassured me that The Bug did not, in fact, appear to have any extra body parts, so then, my fears stepped down another level to things like, "What if The Bug doesn't like the animals?" And that level of anxiety, I can EASILY deal with because at least it's in the realm of Rational Fears. So I merrily went about my days for the past 11 weeks, secure in the knowledge that I was no longer Insanely Anxious About Life.
Then, I read about people having stillborn babies and all my hard-won rationality just slipped right on through the cracks. Which means that I've spent today alternately growling at my statistics program and poking The Bug to wake him up and get him moving, just to make sure he's still alive in there. He's probably phenomenally grumpy with me right now, but I guess now is as good a time as any for him to learn that he is being born to a mom who Worries About Ridiculous Things and that as a result, there are just some inconveniences he's going to have to put up with. Besides, this is just me getting even in advance for all the nights in the coming months when HE will be waking ME up when I want to sleep.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Forgetful Moments
I think I'm starting to lose all my higher brain functioning. Pretty soon, I'll be reduced to grunting and pointing as my only forms of communication.
- Yesterday morning, I put orange juice in my tea instead of milk. And even though I knew the tea tasted a little bit different, it didn't occur to me what had happened until AFTER I finished the entire cup. So this morning, I decided that I would eat cereal instead so that if I did put something strange into it, I'd notice right away. So I poured the cereal and milk into a bowl and took a great big bite, only to realize that my "cereal" was actually cheese-its. If you think tea with orange juice tastes odd, you should try cheese-its with milk.
- I almost left home with two different shoes on my feet this morning. Luckily, they're cut very differently, so as soon as I walked out the door, one foot was noticeably colder than the other, which prompted me to look down and realize that I had on one summery sandal and one clog.
- When I was driving to work, I accidentally got into the wrong turn, turned right instead of left, and then drove A MILE DOWN THE ROAD before realizing that something was wrong.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Laughing in the Face of Daycare
I got an email this morning about how the University is opening a new childcare facility for faculty and staff (and presumably, students and other members of the community as well), so I decided that just for giggles, I'd go take a look at their website. I was hoping for pictures of the facility or some kind of summary of their program. Apparently, that was way too ambitious of me because what I actually found was a statement that their website was still under construction, but that I was welcome to browse through their tuition scales.
And thus began the hysterical giggling. Because for our annual income range, the cost of sending The Bug to this daycare for his first year would be a good $5,000 more than my annual salary, BEFORE TAXES. And also? The cost of sending The Bug to this university sponsored daycare for his first year IS THE SAME as paying out-of-state tuition at the same university for a year. I feel like I've suddenly entered some crazy, alternate dimension because seriously, who in the world can possibly afford this???
Of course, I already knew that the cost of decent, infant daycare in Raleigh is, oh, RIDICULOUS, but seeing those numbers in black and white was still a little bit horrifying. On the plus side, it has left me feeling MONUMENTALLY grateful that I get to avoid all this for at least another year.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
If Only He Understood Me...
Dear Dog,
I know that you're not the brightest penny, but you're over a decade old. That means you've had over ten years to learn certain things about the universe. Things like, "If you repeatedly get stuck under certain pieces of furniture, you should probably stop going under them." Instead of which, you continue to go under said pieces of furniture, get stuck, and then scratch at the carpet and whine until someone comes to your rescue.
And what's worse--you don't seem to realize that you're NOT ACTUALLY STUCK. Look, Dog. The bed is lower than the crib. So if you can go in and out from under the bed, as you have repeatedly demonstrated that you can do, there is NO REASON why you can't go in and out from under the crib. I mean, seriously, if you're going to pick up new, neurotic habits, at the very least, you should LOSE THE OLD ONES. Because I do not have the patience to deal with your current getting-fake-stuck-under-the-crib-every-10-minutes habit AND your barking-at-delivery-trucks habit AND your constantly-licking-the-carpet habit. So if you could maybe just pick one or two of those, that would be fantastic.
Thanks.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Just The Two of Us
I don't usually do the chain topic thing because mostly, by the time I remember that I'm supposed to do it, it's 2 months after the tag and then, I'd just feel silly. But it's a Monday and if I tried to write a non-chain topic post, it would probably be another one about how it's not a good idea to tell a pregnant woman she's waddling (Seriously, people. I am aware that my gait has changed. CAN WE MOVE ON NOW?) and I don't want to write about that any more than you want to read it. So instead, answers to a chain relationship meme whoozit:
1. What are your middle names?
His is Andrew. Mine changes, depending on the document...I meant to get them all synchronized after the wedding, but apparently, I got distracted. Oops.
2. How long have you been together?
Together for almost 4 years...married for less than 1.
3. How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Um...about a year and a half, I think? Huh...I thought it was longer than that...
4. Who asked whom out?
Well...it wasn't so much of an "asking out" as it was an awkward, instant message conversation that happened under the influence of alcohol (on his part) and lots of grumpiness at being pulled over at 1 AM on a Friday night FOR NO GOOD REASON (on my part). I'm STILL annoyed about that, by the way...the being pulled over, that is.
5. How old are each of you?
He's 25, I'm 24.
6. Whose siblings do you see the most?
I have no siblings, so his.
7. Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?
Um....I don't think we've had one of these "hardest" situations yet. Although my first 6 months at grad school weren't so much fun, between the awful program, the awful daycare where I spent 35+ hours a week, and the constant worry that on any given week, I wouldn't be able to afford groceries or gas. Of course, I took all my anxiety and vented it at McMoose, so I don't imagine he remembers those months very fondly either.
8. Did you go to the same school?
Yes.
9. Are you from the same home town?
Hahahaha-no. I cannot imagine living in the same town for your entire childhood, let alone the SAME HOUSE, both of which he has done.
10. Who is smarter?
He is smarter with computers and cars and puzzles and maps. I am smarter with knowing when to stop annoying the cat so I don't get scratched.
11. Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Right now? McDonald's. Because I have an insatiable craving for all things salty and McDonald's fries are the best for that.
12. Where is the furthest you've traveled as a couple?
India.
13. Who has the craziest exes?
I would say he does. He would probably say I do. Moving right along...
14. Who has the worst temper?
That would be me.
15. Who does the cooking?
We each have certain dishes that we're good at cooking, but if it involves a new recipe, it's all him.
16. Who is the neat freak?
He points out my messes and I point out his, but we're both completely oblivious to our own.
17. Who is more stubborn?
I used to think I was stubborn, and then I met McMoose. He's perfectly laid back about most things, but if he decides that something should be done a Certain Way, then by god, it's going to be done that way.
18. Who hogs the bed?
That would be HIM. And The Dog, when he's allowed on the bed.
19. Who wakes up earlier?
For most of our relationship, it was me. Since January, it's been him. Mostly because I intentionally stay in bed until he's up because finally, FINALLY, I can--and I know it's not going to last much longer.
20. Where was your first date?
Neither of us actually remembers. We think maybe we watched a movie, but we're really not sure. This is what happens when you hang out with someone regularly for 18 months and then suddenly decide to start dating.
21. Who is more jealous?
Me...no contest.
22. How long did it take to get serious?
It took him about 30 seconds. It took me considerably longer.
23. Who eats more?
Usually, he does. Right now, we're almost on par. I blame The Bug.
24. Who does the laundry?
Usually, me. Right now, he loads everything and then changes from washer to dryer, and I fold. Eventually. Oddly enough, one of the things I'm excited about after I'm no longer pregnant is being able to do laundry again. Apparently, I enjoyed it--who knew!
25. Who's better with the computer?
Definitely him.
26. Who is more sensitive?
McMoose is a tree. I am a psychology student who (over)analyzes everything anyone ever says to me or in my presence. Therefore, probably me.
27. Who drives when you're together?
We both fight about who DOESN'T have to drive. And since I can no longer roll myself in and out of his very low car, he usually wins.
1. What are your middle names?
His is Andrew. Mine changes, depending on the document...I meant to get them all synchronized after the wedding, but apparently, I got distracted. Oops.
2. How long have you been together?
Together for almost 4 years...married for less than 1.
3. How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Um...about a year and a half, I think? Huh...I thought it was longer than that...
4. Who asked whom out?
Well...it wasn't so much of an "asking out" as it was an awkward, instant message conversation that happened under the influence of alcohol (on his part) and lots of grumpiness at being pulled over at 1 AM on a Friday night FOR NO GOOD REASON (on my part). I'm STILL annoyed about that, by the way...the being pulled over, that is.
5. How old are each of you?
He's 25, I'm 24.
6. Whose siblings do you see the most?
I have no siblings, so his.
7. Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?
Um....I don't think we've had one of these "hardest" situations yet. Although my first 6 months at grad school weren't so much fun, between the awful program, the awful daycare where I spent 35+ hours a week, and the constant worry that on any given week, I wouldn't be able to afford groceries or gas. Of course, I took all my anxiety and vented it at McMoose, so I don't imagine he remembers those months very fondly either.
8. Did you go to the same school?
Yes.
9. Are you from the same home town?
Hahahaha-no. I cannot imagine living in the same town for your entire childhood, let alone the SAME HOUSE, both of which he has done.
10. Who is smarter?
He is smarter with computers and cars and puzzles and maps. I am smarter with knowing when to stop annoying the cat so I don't get scratched.
11. Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Right now? McDonald's. Because I have an insatiable craving for all things salty and McDonald's fries are the best for that.
12. Where is the furthest you've traveled as a couple?
India.
13. Who has the craziest exes?
I would say he does. He would probably say I do. Moving right along...
14. Who has the worst temper?
That would be me.
15. Who does the cooking?
We each have certain dishes that we're good at cooking, but if it involves a new recipe, it's all him.
16. Who is the neat freak?
He points out my messes and I point out his, but we're both completely oblivious to our own.
17. Who is more stubborn?
I used to think I was stubborn, and then I met McMoose. He's perfectly laid back about most things, but if he decides that something should be done a Certain Way, then by god, it's going to be done that way.
18. Who hogs the bed?
That would be HIM. And The Dog, when he's allowed on the bed.
19. Who wakes up earlier?
For most of our relationship, it was me. Since January, it's been him. Mostly because I intentionally stay in bed until he's up because finally, FINALLY, I can--and I know it's not going to last much longer.
20. Where was your first date?
Neither of us actually remembers. We think maybe we watched a movie, but we're really not sure. This is what happens when you hang out with someone regularly for 18 months and then suddenly decide to start dating.
21. Who is more jealous?
Me...no contest.
22. How long did it take to get serious?
It took him about 30 seconds. It took me considerably longer.
23. Who eats more?
Usually, he does. Right now, we're almost on par. I blame The Bug.
24. Who does the laundry?
Usually, me. Right now, he loads everything and then changes from washer to dryer, and I fold. Eventually. Oddly enough, one of the things I'm excited about after I'm no longer pregnant is being able to do laundry again. Apparently, I enjoyed it--who knew!
25. Who's better with the computer?
Definitely him.
26. Who is more sensitive?
McMoose is a tree. I am a psychology student who (over)analyzes everything anyone ever says to me or in my presence. Therefore, probably me.
27. Who drives when you're together?
We both fight about who DOESN'T have to drive. And since I can no longer roll myself in and out of his very low car, he usually wins.
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Great (Sugar) Crash of '09
Here's a general timeline of how my morning went:
5 a.m.- Woke up in a panic because I thought I'd slept through my alarm. Looked at the clock, realized how early it was, tried to go back to sleep but couldn't because The Bug decided it would be a good time to practice his tap dancing routine.
6:30 a.m.- After lying in bed poking The Bug for 90 minutes, I finally decided it was late enough to get up and get dressed for my appointment.
7:30 a.m.- Get to the lab where I was supposed to take the 3 hour glucose tolerance test.
8 a.m. - Get the first blood draw. Drink 100 g of glucose--can I just say that I know most people hate this stuff, but I think it's delicious. I would gladly have snuck a couple of extra bottles into my purse, had McMoose not been sitting there, monitoring my actions.
9 a.m. - 2nd blood draw.
9:30 a.m. - Started feeling dizzy. Was told to sit and relax, which I tried to do as my heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest.
10 a.m. -3rd blood draw, where the lab tech noticed that I was having a reaction to the tape they used to hold the gauze on my arm. She told me to just hold the gauze, I got up to go back to the waiting room, got dizzy and said "I think I'll just sit here for a minute." And the next thing I know, I was back in the waiting room, reclined back in a chair, with a nurse on the phone with my OB office informing them that I had passed out and McMoose worriedly looking on. I do remember that at some point, someone suggested I sit with my head between my knees and someone else had the good sense to point out the ridiculousness of that suggestion, when aimed at a woman who is 6 months pregnant.
My OB apparently felt it was of utmost importance to finish the test, so I got to sit in a dark room with wet paper towels on my head because I felt like my skin was on fire, even though I was shivering uncontrollably. But at least that last hour passed very quickly, thanks to all the excitement and my very skewed sense of time and by the time I was ready for my final blood draw, I was actually feeling somewhat better.
After getting home and eating 2 whole Big Macs, the dizziness is now completely gone. Instead, I feel like I've had 15 cups of coffee and given the choice, I'd gladly go sign up to run a marathon right now. McMoose doesn't quite support that plan, however, so instead, I'm sitting in my bed and trying to think relaxing thoughts. And also? I'm hoping that this ridiculously melodramatic reaction is not a sign that I'm going to fail this test.
5 a.m.- Woke up in a panic because I thought I'd slept through my alarm. Looked at the clock, realized how early it was, tried to go back to sleep but couldn't because The Bug decided it would be a good time to practice his tap dancing routine.
6:30 a.m.- After lying in bed poking The Bug for 90 minutes, I finally decided it was late enough to get up and get dressed for my appointment.
7:30 a.m.- Get to the lab where I was supposed to take the 3 hour glucose tolerance test.
8 a.m. - Get the first blood draw. Drink 100 g of glucose--can I just say that I know most people hate this stuff, but I think it's delicious. I would gladly have snuck a couple of extra bottles into my purse, had McMoose not been sitting there, monitoring my actions.
9 a.m. - 2nd blood draw.
9:30 a.m. - Started feeling dizzy. Was told to sit and relax, which I tried to do as my heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest.
10 a.m. -3rd blood draw, where the lab tech noticed that I was having a reaction to the tape they used to hold the gauze on my arm. She told me to just hold the gauze, I got up to go back to the waiting room, got dizzy and said "I think I'll just sit here for a minute." And the next thing I know, I was back in the waiting room, reclined back in a chair, with a nurse on the phone with my OB office informing them that I had passed out and McMoose worriedly looking on. I do remember that at some point, someone suggested I sit with my head between my knees and someone else had the good sense to point out the ridiculousness of that suggestion, when aimed at a woman who is 6 months pregnant.
My OB apparently felt it was of utmost importance to finish the test, so I got to sit in a dark room with wet paper towels on my head because I felt like my skin was on fire, even though I was shivering uncontrollably. But at least that last hour passed very quickly, thanks to all the excitement and my very skewed sense of time and by the time I was ready for my final blood draw, I was actually feeling somewhat better.
After getting home and eating 2 whole Big Macs, the dizziness is now completely gone. Instead, I feel like I've had 15 cups of coffee and given the choice, I'd gladly go sign up to run a marathon right now. McMoose doesn't quite support that plan, however, so instead, I'm sitting in my bed and trying to think relaxing thoughts. And also? I'm hoping that this ridiculously melodramatic reaction is not a sign that I'm going to fail this test.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Drowning
Ever since I woke up this morning, I've been drinking water like it's going out of style because in exactly 11 hours, I will no longer be allowed to drink water until about 11:30 AM tomorrow. I will also not be allowed to eat or drink anything else, but that part doesn't concern me NEARLY as much as the no water rule. And really, this whole no-water-for-12-hours thing wouldn't have been a problem for me five months ago because for the most part, I used to drink maybe 20 ounces a day and call myself hydrated. And then, for the past 20 weeks, every time I've gone to the doctor's office, I've been subjected to their mantra of "Drink more water. Drink more water." So at this point, I think they've actually hypnotized me and I might just be the world's first water addict--a "Hydro-holic," if you will.
And now that they've got me hooked, they want me to go cold turkey? For 12 whole hours? ARE THEY KIDDING ME???? I mean, up until now, they've recommended water for every. single. pregnancy related issue I've encountered. Cramping? Drink water. Contractions? Drink water. Swollen feet? Drink water. Nosebleeds? Drink water. The child you're carrying thinks it's a lot of fun to sit all the way on one side of your belly so that you look like you have a side hump? And then, he hangs from your ribs and tries to grab your spleen with his foot? And you suspect that maybe he's actually part demon because he seems to own a pitchfork which he routinely uses to prod at your bladder? DRINK WATER!
And amazingly enough, the water trick actually works. It gets rid of the cramping and contractions (for the most part), it distracts me from the ugly ankles and nosebleeds, it gets The Bug to move when he's been still for too long and to sit still when it feels like he's running laps in there. It's magic! And now, they want to take my magic away from me. EVIL is what they are. Pure, undiluted evil.
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