Pests

Yesterday afternoon, two door-to-door salesmen rang our doorbell to try to sell me pest control services. At first, I thought they were there to recruit me to some religion or another, which is really the only reason I even opened the door. Well...that, and the fact that the glass surrounding our door made it very obvious that I was home. Dratted glass surround.

I left Luke and Weston playing at the top of the (gated) stairs and dashed down to talk to them, and I was greeted by perhaps the most confused man ever.

Salesman 1: Hi, are your parents home?
Me: Uhhh...no.
Salesman 1: Are you sure? There's a car in the driveway.
Me: Yeah...that's mine.
Salesman 1: That's...yours? You drive?
Me: *Frowning and trying to figure out what the heck is going on.*
Salesman 1: Wait...you're not the HOMEOWNER are you?
Me: ....Yeah...
Salesman 1: Oh, really? But you're so young. I mean, you look...YOU'RE the homeowner? I mean...you...um...
Salesman 2: So I notice you have some spiderwebs by your door!

Turns out this was the oddest pest control team ever because (a) they didn't have a brochure, (b) they didn't have a business card, and (c) their "promotional rate" only applied if I signed up right then and there for them to come and...put some kind of substance onto the hair on the bodies of the ants that might be living inside our walls. They had a laminated diagram and everything. So I asked what their rates were, exactly.

Salesman 2: Well, we're offering a 50% discount if you sign up for a slot right now.
Me: A 50% discount on what?
Salesman 2: Oh, on our regular rate.
Me: Which is...
Salesman 2: Oh, I didn't even tell you that yet, did I?! It would be $99 per quarter, but the initial visit is about $200.
Me: And the discount is on what?
Salesman 2: The discount works out to you paying $50 today.
Me: So that's a discount on the quarterly rate?
Salesman 2: Uh...right.
Me: And the initial visit?
Salesman 2: No, the discount is on the initial visit.
Me: But...a 50% discount on a $200 visit is $100.
Salesman 2: Right. It's a discount on the quarter. The initial visit is...well, we can't really give you a quote for that today. But we can go ahead and schedule it...would Monday or Tuesday be better?

Dude, really? This is your sales plan? Insult the people you're trying to sell your product to, refuse to give them an accurate quote, and try to get them to sign up for something that sounds, quite frankly, insane? Great idea! And if anyone buys that, let me know so I can sell them some organic unicorn hair blessed by gnomes.