Luke wants a sticker chart. You know, one of those things that lists out the kids' "jobs" and you put a sticker on it every time they do the task and when they get x number of stickers...something happens? So I've toyed with the idea of sticker charts in the past and just, I can't. Because (a) it would be too easy to turn it into this constant bribe/threat and (b) I can't for the life of me think of what jobs to put on there. (Note: when I say it would be too easy to turn into a bribe/threat, I mean that it would be too easy *for me* to do that. I know this is a super successful technique and lots of people use it, love it, do it in a way that feels very genuine and non-coercive to them, but my personality is such that during times of stress, I would look to the chart as an easy way to have some power over the kids. And really, any tool that I frame as a way to have power is probably not a tool that I can use in a responsible way.)
But getting beyond the vague, this-doesn't-sit-well-with-me feeling, there's the fact that I do not know what to put on this thing. I mean, if he were a few years older, I imagine I could include things like doing the dishes and vacuuming and whatever. But he's four. And he already does the things that I think he's capable of and that are important to me. He gets himself dressed. He brushes his teeth, albeit with us "checking" his work when he's done. He puts away his laundry when asked and even folds it when asked. He clears his dishes from the table after meals. He picks up his toys when asked. He puts up his shoes and his towel and puts his clothes in the hamper. He cleans up his spills and helps with whatever random cleaning project I've taken on. So do I put things on the sticker chart that he has already mastered and therefore reward him for doing things that he currently does without reward? Or do I come up with new tasks that I'm not really invested in? (By the way, typing out this paragraph has made me realize that we are not currently working on anything as far as behavior is concerned. When he does something that is dangerous or annoying or whatever, I tell him that it's dangerous or annoying or whatever and he either says "All right," and stops doing it or tries to think of ways to make it safe and/or not-annoying and if his solution sounds reasonable to me, I let him run with it. Our days are peaceful and rational. I never thought I'd see the day.)
And also, what's the carrot here? What happens when he has however many stickers we've agreed on? Do I give him money? A toy? Candy? An actual carrot? Our conversation on the subject went something like this:
Luke: I want stickers and I want to put them in a line and collect them when I do things.
Me: And then, what would happen?
Luke: When I have a whole line of them, I get money.
Me: And what would you use the money for?
Luke: I'd buy a loaf of green apples.
Me: Do you mean a bag of green apples?
Luke: Yes. I'd buy a bag of green apples. And oranges. And pears. And peaches.
Me: Lots of different kinds of fruit, huh?
Luke: Yes. And then, I could eat them whenever I was hungry.
So my kid wants a reward chart (which I don't want to make) in order to earn money (which I'm already okay with him having) in order to buy fruit (which we have in abundance and which he has near-constant access to) to eat when he is hungry (which he never is. Ever. He eats three meals and three, sometimes four, snacks a day. Eating is pretty much a state of existence around here.) And he wants me to make him this chart tonight so that he can get started on it tomorrow morning. I get the feeling that someday, he's going to be the kid who loves taking tests so he can see the smiley face sticker and the "Good job," written at the top of the paper.
But getting beyond the vague, this-doesn't-sit-well-with-me feeling, there's the fact that I do not know what to put on this thing. I mean, if he were a few years older, I imagine I could include things like doing the dishes and vacuuming and whatever. But he's four. And he already does the things that I think he's capable of and that are important to me. He gets himself dressed. He brushes his teeth, albeit with us "checking" his work when he's done. He puts away his laundry when asked and even folds it when asked. He clears his dishes from the table after meals. He picks up his toys when asked. He puts up his shoes and his towel and puts his clothes in the hamper. He cleans up his spills and helps with whatever random cleaning project I've taken on. So do I put things on the sticker chart that he has already mastered and therefore reward him for doing things that he currently does without reward? Or do I come up with new tasks that I'm not really invested in? (By the way, typing out this paragraph has made me realize that we are not currently working on anything as far as behavior is concerned. When he does something that is dangerous or annoying or whatever, I tell him that it's dangerous or annoying or whatever and he either says "All right," and stops doing it or tries to think of ways to make it safe and/or not-annoying and if his solution sounds reasonable to me, I let him run with it. Our days are peaceful and rational. I never thought I'd see the day.)
And also, what's the carrot here? What happens when he has however many stickers we've agreed on? Do I give him money? A toy? Candy? An actual carrot? Our conversation on the subject went something like this:
Luke: I want stickers and I want to put them in a line and collect them when I do things.
Me: And then, what would happen?
Luke: When I have a whole line of them, I get money.
Me: And what would you use the money for?
Luke: I'd buy a loaf of green apples.
Me: Do you mean a bag of green apples?
Luke: Yes. I'd buy a bag of green apples. And oranges. And pears. And peaches.
Me: Lots of different kinds of fruit, huh?
Luke: Yes. And then, I could eat them whenever I was hungry.
So my kid wants a reward chart (which I don't want to make) in order to earn money (which I'm already okay with him having) in order to buy fruit (which we have in abundance and which he has near-constant access to) to eat when he is hungry (which he never is. Ever. He eats three meals and three, sometimes four, snacks a day. Eating is pretty much a state of existence around here.) And he wants me to make him this chart tonight so that he can get started on it tomorrow morning. I get the feeling that someday, he's going to be the kid who loves taking tests so he can see the smiley face sticker and the "Good job," written at the top of the paper.
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