Just Peachy

I tend to be fairly conservative in terms of Trying New Things, especially when those New Things are actually New Foods. So this afternoon, when I went to one of my favorite lunch places and ordered one of my favorite items on their menu, I decided that I'd be a little adventurous and try one of their little fruit drink things. And since normally, the only juice I drink is apple, I decided to go even further out on the limb and try mango (because let's face it, pineapple is just too strange and banana? HOW DO YOU JUICE A BANANA?)

The can was all orange and ice cold and just generally appealing and I noticed it said "Juice with Fruit Pieces," and thought the whole thing sounded very interesting, so I hurried back to my office and popped it open. Let me just start by saying that almost immediately, I was beginning to regret this whole venture because the juice? It resembled egg drop soup. And it was yellowish brown, which is not at ALL the color I associate with mangoes. But it smelled mango-ey and delicious, so I decided to put my fears aside once again.

At first sip, something seemed odd. I took another sip. And a third. And then I realized: the bits of fruit floating around in my juice? They tasted nothing like mango. So upon closer inspection of the ingredient list on the can, I found out that the breakdown of the drink was like this:
-10% mango juice
-50% peach smush
-water, asorbic acid, citric acid, etc.

So...my mango juice was actually PEACH juice with a little bit of mango flavoring added in. And also, what exactly is "peach smush?" I mean, is that really the best, most technical term they could find to describe the stuff?! But with that said, I gotta tell ya--next time I go back to that restaurant, I'm totally getting more of this weirdness. Maybe I will try the banana after all.

Cancellation Tribulation

About three weeks ago, I made an appointment with a doctor, and then heard some very bad reviews about that practice, so decided to cancel the appointment. Now, making that appointment is on my list of Top 10 Easiest Things I've Ever Done in My Life. Cancelling it was a whole 'nother story. I called about 2 weeks ago to cancel and spoke to a very confused sounding person, and that conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi, I have an appointment for such-and-such a day and I'd like to cancel it.
Receptionist: I can't do that.
Me: You...can't cancel appointments?
Receptionist: Well, hold on, maybe I can.
Me: ...o...kay...
Receptionist: What's your name?
Me: Anisha LastName
Receptionist: I'm sorry, your appointment is with Dr. Scott and I can only cancel appointments for the other doctors.
Me: Um. Really?
Receptionist: No wait, I found a button that says cancel. I think it worked.
Me: Great!
Receptionist: Yeah, I think your appointment is cancelled, but call back tomorrow to make sure.
Me: Ok. Sure.

Since I am the queen of procrastination, I did not call the next day, but decided to wait until just now. And THAT conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi, I had an appointment for such-and-such a day, and I tried to cancel it 2 weeks ago, but the person I talked to wasn't sure if it was actually cancelled or not, so I'm just checking back.
Receptionist: Ok, what's your name?
Me: Anisha LastName.
Receptionist: No, it didn't get cancelled...in fact, you have 4 appointments scheduled back to back.

So...the first receptionist pushed the cancel button and instead of cancelling the appointment, three additional ones popped up? And also, don't you think that someone at that office should have gotten suspicious that the same name showed up on four consecutive appointment times?

What's the Road to Hell Paved With?

I left work at noon today, with a large stack of work and every intention to spend the afternoon at my computer on the couch. Except...you know where this is going, right? By the time I actually got home, I felt slightly more alive than roadkill, so instead of working, I ate lunch and went to sleep--not so much because I was tired, but rather as a way to make time pass. And when I woke up two hours later, I was feeling soooo much better. Until I stood up. So what I've realized is that I feel sick if I stand. Or sit. Or move. Or blink. In fact, the only time I DON'T feel sick is when I'm lying on my stomach on the bed with my head propped up on the foot board with blankets. And I'm not sure if you're aware, but that position right there? Not really conducive to entering numbers into a spreadsheet.

And two more hours later, when I finally had gathered up the will to sit up straight with my papers spread around me and my computer on my lap, know what I realized? That a few weeks ago, when I desperately needed immediate access to Microsoft Word, McMoose gave me a CD of software to install and that CD did not include Excel. Which means that all the good intentions and the monumental effort that it took for me to get to this position have all gone to waste. Needless to say, my current mood is most optimistically described as "Grumpy."

All About the Animals

Who's excited for the Thursday bullet post??? Me! So without further ado...

• The cats have, indeed, made a hole in the bottom of the box spring. And now, they both climb INTO the box spring. And they fight each other. Inside the box spring. It's ridiculous and disruptive and really startling when the bed suddenly starts moving around beneath you. As a result of all this box spring Boxing (hehehe), McMoose has started keeping a pair of heavy winter gloves and a wooden stick next to the bed, so that when the cats get in there and start acting foolish, he can poke and prod and pull at them without sustaining grievous injury. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but in reality? The plan was a miserable failure and the only way to get those darn cats out is to bribe them with treats. So now, not only do they have the upper hand, but they're also going to get fat.
• As a result of the atrocious behavior on the part of the cats, they have been banished from the bedroom at night. Which I thought would be an excellently good thing because one of them tends to stretch out at my feet, and then attacks me if I dare to move at night. So I was very excited at the prospect of getting a full nights sleep without feeling claws digging into me at some point. Except that what actually happened is that the Dog took over the cat's spot and BIT ME when I moved my feet. And it took every ounce of self-restraint I had to not bop him on the head when I felt those sharp teeth sinking into my poor, sad ankle.
• In the past, the Dog has chewed holes into our blankets. Today, I woke up to find him completely entangled in his own holes--paws stuck through one hole, nose and mouth through another--and I gotta tell you, I didn't feel bad. Not even a little. Because if you're gonna chew holes through blankets, you should be prepared for the day that karma bites back.

To Print or Not To Print?

About a week ago, I noticed that whenever I sent a document to the printer, the printer just sort of ignored it and stuck its thumb out at me. And since I'm not altogether motivated to investigate problems related to computers and printers, I decided that, hey, you know what? I don't need to print things. No...in fact, it's a GOOD thing that the printer doesn't work because...now I get to be more environmentally friendly. And I can just read things on my little laptop screen. Nooooo problem.

Until my boss informed me that she would NOT be reading my thesis proposal on a computer screen, so I'd better print it out. My first response, of course, was to moan to my office mate about the how the darn printer hated me and the tech support guy is always out of his office. My office mate very sensibly pointed out that perhaps I should just unplug the printer. And then plug it back in. So I did. And GUESS WHAT? It works now. That's all it took. So here's my question: WHAT IN THE WORLD was wrong with it in the first place, that all it took to fix it was to pull the plug? Because doesn't that seem like the end-of-the-rope, tried-everything-else, head-is-about-to-explode solution?

But in any case, it works now. Or rather, it worked for about 20 minutes yesterday. Because when I tried to print something today, it printed every other line. What the heck kind of error makes it print EVERY OTHER LINE? I just can't even BEGIN to understand this stupid machine.

I'd Forget My Head...

I've been having some issues with scatterbrained-ness lately. Apparently, the start of the new semester has left me even less organized than I usually am because every where I go, I lose things and forget things and just generally walk around like a confused mess. Last week, I convinced McMoose to go with me to the supermarket at 10 pm one night because I was out of tea and of course, life cannot go one without tea, right? So we went and bought more kinds of decaffeinated tea than I ever knew existed, plus some coffee, plus some milk. And when we got home? I discovered a brand-new, UNOPENED box of tea sitting in my pantry. Which I had apparently bought just a few days before. And which I had COMPLETELY forgotten about...actually, I STILL don't remember having bought that first box.

And then, the VERY NEXT DAY? I bought another gallon of milk. Because of course, can't have tea without milk. And I had forgotten that we had bought milk not 24 hours earlier. So now, we have more tea AND more milk than any two people need, ever. And also? More string cheese. Because my fear of running out of string cheese was second only to my fear of running out of milk, so I bought a second bag even before I finished the first. And yesterday, it occurred to me that string cheese is NOT GOOD, which means that it will probably sit in my fridge for the next twelve or thirteen years.

And yesterday, I put the cupcakes in the fridge and the milk in the pantry. I keep locking the cats in various rooms. I keep forgetting to call the cable company, who's trying to charge me extra money for a cable box THAT I ALREADY RETURNED. And just 10 minutes ago, I left my keys in my boss's office, and if she hadn't realized that fact and returned them to me, I would've been stranded in my office until McMoose could come and pick me up five hours from now and that would've resulted in a Very Grouchy Anisha.

Who Needs A Pause Button?

Last Friday, I left work (a little bit) early because I had three things on my to-do list that had to be done by 1 PM this Tuesday and I was pretty confident I could finish all 3 of those things up today. Plus, I was excited about the furniture coming and there was no one else in the office and I was lonely. And perhaps most importantly, I was STARVING. So this morning, I came in to find a post-it note that I had oh-so-thoughtfully left last week to remind myself of the 3 things I had to do. (Yes, I write notes for myself. I also send myself emails. And sometimes I leave myself messages on my phone. NO, THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME WEIRD.)

And about 10 minutes into the morning, my boss sent me an email giving me four EXTRA things to do by 1 PM tomorrow, which of course sent my head from "Calm" to "THIS CLOSE To Exploding" in about 15 seconds. So instead of responding to email and checking the weather for the next 5 days and *maybe* playing a quick game of sudoku, like I usually do, I jumped straight in to my work. Turns out, that was completely unnecessary as it is now 1:15 PM on MONDAY and I'm done. With all 6 things that I wanted to finish by this time tomorrow. And furthermore? I accomplished this Great and Miraculous Feat while dealing with (a) a printer that REFUSES TO PRINT, for the LOVE of GOD, (b) a computer that freezes up EVERY 17 SECONDS and (c) a wireless Internet connection that likes nothing more than to disconnect and reconnect when I'm working on something absolutely vital.

So...I'm thinking that the most feasible explanation for all of this is that somehow, I've found a glitch in the time-space continuum and as a direct result, time slowed down by about 3985% this morning, allowing me ample time to get through my to-do list. And I'm also thinking that I'm leaving (a little bit) early again today.