Toddler Crack

I'm not a big fan of most of the kid's TV characters. I really could live without my apartment being invaded by Elmo or Dora or Blue or whoever. And since Luke doesn't watch TV yet, he doesn't know about them, so I don't really HAVE to deal with these characters and life was good.

But then, I made a mistake. I introduced him to Thomas. At the time, my thinking was, "Oh, they're just little trains. At least they have a PURPOSE, other than just being annoying money and space traps." As it turns out, their purpose? Is to lure small children and turn them into crazy, jabbering little addicts.

We started with the gateway drug: the train table at the bookstore. And then, we listened for trains at railroad crossings. And then, he got really, really interested in his big, wooden trains. So a few weeks ago, we found a really good deal on the little Thomas & Friends trains, so we ordered a few and they got here a couple of days ago.

People, the atmosphere in this apartment recently has been TORTUROUS. All day long, Luke and Other Baby are talking about trains, yelling about trains, grabbing trains from each other, pushing, hitting, throwing, scratching, BITING over these damn trains! And? We have seven of them. They can each hold one in each hand. So 3rd grade math would tell you that each kid should hold two and there are only two kids, so there should be three trains left over. Right? WRONG. They each want to hold ALL SEVEN, which is a physical impossibility, so they hoard them. They sit on them. They lie down on them. They hide them in cracks and crevices. Or they leave six of them lying on the ground and then proceed to fight over THE SAME ONE.

I'm strongly considering selling the trains. Or maybe the toddlers.