In Which Introductions Are Made

I'd like to introduce the reason why, for the past two months, I've been both ravenous and nauseous, tired but unable to stay asleep for any length of time, and bouncing back and forth between grouchy and completely thrilled with the world:

Yes, I know it looks like a fuzzy jelly bean. I have great hopes that it will grow out of that phase within the next 7 months. Just as a reference, the head's on the right of the screen and if you look very, VERY closely, you can see toes on the left. Why exactly do fetuses grow fingers and toes before they grow arms and legs???

Things I Did At Work Today

-Spent 10 minutes trying to figure out why my computer wouldn't turn on. Then realized it was because maintenance had vacuumed last night, which means that they had unplugged my computer so they could plug in the vacuum.

-Felt foolish about my above mentioned technological snafu.

-Read through an email that my health insurance company sent me, which informed me that Campus Health Services has an extensive array of services offered and that if I needed health care, I should consider them first. Rolled my eyes because I get this same email every time I go to an outside doctor and a claim is filed. Sorry BCBS, but sometimes, a Tylenol and a band-aid just doesn't do the job.

-Painted my co-workers fingernails. (WHY?)

-Completed about 70% of two separate crossword puzzles.

-Ran some stats. Got annoyed. Returned to the crossword puzzles.

-Finished editing my thesis proposal.

So see? It's been a VERY productive day.

Another Letter I'd Like To Write

Dear Cable and Internet Company,

I understand that you're highly concerned over the fact that you think I haven't returned the router from my old apartment. However, I wish YOU would understand that I'm highly concerned over the fact that I did, in fact, return it. Two-and-a-half months ago, to be exact. And since then, I have had no fewer than SEVEN conversations with various customer service representatives in which I have tried to explain the fact that I already returned it. And each time, the representative has been very polite and helpful and has assured me that he or she will change the records immediately to reflect the fact that I returned it. And then, two weeks later, I get YET ANOTHER letter from you about how concerned you are that I still haven't returned it.

In fact, the latest series of letters have all been in the form of an invoice and nowhere on the invoice does it mention WHAT exactly I'm being billed for. So if I didn't make it my business to know the exact amount of my regular monthly bill, I might very well be tricked into paying for equipment THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE sitting in some warehouse because I might think I'm just being billed for regular services. I applaud the nefarious plan, but would like to point out that you're not exactly endearing yourselves to me. And furthermore, the worst part of all of this is that I HAVE THE RECEIPT saying I returned the darn router. Which means that all you have to do is (a) ask me to fax you a copy or (b) agree to let me come into your office and SHOW you a copy. And since you refuse me both those options, the end result is that I have to take the time and effort every couple of weeks to try to sort this out. At this point, all I really have to say to you is that you and your collection agency had better not be messing with my credit rating over this mess.

Sincerely,
A Customer Who Is MOST DISPLEASED With Your Monopoly Over Cable Services.

The Burning Car

As I was driving to work this morning, I noticed a faint, burning smell, which made me instantly nervous because the last time I had noticed that particular smell, my engine exploded. Granted, that was my old car and this is my new(er) car, and so far, all the problems I've ever had with this car have been a direct result of Things I Have Done. Leaving the parking brake on while driving across town, for example, caused the once-silent brakes to squeal and express their general unhappiness. And then, there was the time when I swerved to avoid a cow (yes, a cow) and got too close to a dump-truck, which then threw a very large rock at me, causing what has become a very large crack in my windshield. But even knowing that my current car has never given me cause for concern, my first reaction when I got a whiff of that burned smell was to hit my brakes and stare suspiciously at my hood for any telltale smoke. Luckily for me, there was none.

Not so luckily for the guy driving the Very Old Car in front of me, there WAS smoke coming up out of his hood. In fact, it's what I would have defined as A LOT OF SMOKE. An unhealthy amount of smoke, even. And yet, he seemed completely unconcerned as he just continued driving on through that haze. People on the sidewalk pointed and stared. Cars that were around him slowed down so that if he did explode, we wouldn't explode along with him. And STILL, he was perfectly unconcerned. So I gotta ask: what kind of life experience makes you that calm in the face of potential death? Does his engine just catch on fire so regularly that it's now a commonplace part of his life? My curiosity about this guy has been hopelessly, irrevocably piqued.

A Letter I'd Like To Write

Dear Cell Phone Company,

My phone no longer rings when people call it. And sometimes, it tells who ever is calling that the number is no longer in service, which leads them to believe that I've died a fiery death. And then, they email me about how they're worried about this fiery death possibility, and then I have to email them BACK in a timely manner and reassure them that in fact, I am fully alive and quite un-burned. And quite frankly, this is not an email that I enjoy writing. Especially not multiple times. So if you could just go ahead and fix whatever glitch is causing this, that would be FANtastic. And also, the next time I call your customer service line and your only suggestion is that I get a NEW phone, even though my current phone is less than 2 years old and THEN you inform me that if I DO get a new phone, I'd have to pay the full, non-promotional price (aka: $200) for it, please don't be surprised if I reach through the phone lines and flick your ear.

Sincerely,

Your not-so-faithful-anymore customer.

Odds, Ends, Etc

• The pants I chose this morning don't fit. And of course, I didn't realize just how much they don't fit until AFTER I got to work, so there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. *GROWL*
• There are days when I just feel really, really good about this world and today? Definitely one of those days. Not that this general feeling of contentment is in any way influenced by the EVENTS of the day because in addition to the ill-fitting pants, my test score was slightly disappointing and I spilled my lunch on my pretty shirt and the list, it goes ON. But then, there's the fact that it's the PERFECT temperature outside--warm enough for flip-flops, but cool enough for a sweater, lots of sunshine, but also lots of breeze. And I've decided that fall is the best time to be on a university campus, ever.
• Even though I'm an awful procrastinator, I'm actually very possibly the most self-motivated person in my immediate circle of grad school friends. Which means that (a) my advisor likes me right now and (b) maybe I'll actually graduate and have a Master's degree within the next 7 months.
• McMoose has strep throat. I don't. And as much as I HATED being sick for the entire 2 years that I worked in daycare, I gotta say, I'm very much enjoying this boost to the immune system that has gotten me through the past 19 months without so much as a scratchy throat. So apparently, if you want to enjoy a period of good health, all you have to do is expose yourself to every virus in the known universe first, and then you're set.

Double the Trouble

Lately, I've been having issues with being double billed for things. Yesterday, for example, I bought a bowl of chili for lunch and the cashier told me that my total would be $9.68. And I automatically pulled out my check card and was about to hand it to her, when I realized that in no way, shape, or form was I going to pay almost ten dollars for a little bowl of soup. So I brought up that point and the cashier realized that she had pushed the button twice and all was well with the world.

And of course, there's the cable company who, for the past two and a half months has been trying to get me to pay for a piece of equipment that I have ALREADY returned. Every couple of weeks, they send me a bill and then I call them and say "Look here, I already returned this," and they say they're going to correct it in the system and then two weeks later, there's another bill. So I'm kinda getting sick of this little song and dance and I'm starting to consider just paying them and being done with it because in all reality, that $35 isn't going to make THAT much of a difference in my life. Except that on the other hand, I feel like I'd just be paying off a corporate bully and that I should continue this mess until I prevail. But...what if I never prevail? What if I'm 80 years old and I'm still having my biweekly conversations with these fools? And even worse, what if they actually follow through on their threats to send my account to a collection agency and then that somehow messes with my credit rating and then I can never own a home or get a credit card? WHAT THEN?