Another Letter I'd Like To Write

Dear Cable and Internet Company,

I understand that you're highly concerned over the fact that you think I haven't returned the router from my old apartment. However, I wish YOU would understand that I'm highly concerned over the fact that I did, in fact, return it. Two-and-a-half months ago, to be exact. And since then, I have had no fewer than SEVEN conversations with various customer service representatives in which I have tried to explain the fact that I already returned it. And each time, the representative has been very polite and helpful and has assured me that he or she will change the records immediately to reflect the fact that I returned it. And then, two weeks later, I get YET ANOTHER letter from you about how concerned you are that I still haven't returned it.

In fact, the latest series of letters have all been in the form of an invoice and nowhere on the invoice does it mention WHAT exactly I'm being billed for. So if I didn't make it my business to know the exact amount of my regular monthly bill, I might very well be tricked into paying for equipment THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE sitting in some warehouse because I might think I'm just being billed for regular services. I applaud the nefarious plan, but would like to point out that you're not exactly endearing yourselves to me. And furthermore, the worst part of all of this is that I HAVE THE RECEIPT saying I returned the darn router. Which means that all you have to do is (a) ask me to fax you a copy or (b) agree to let me come into your office and SHOW you a copy. And since you refuse me both those options, the end result is that I have to take the time and effort every couple of weeks to try to sort this out. At this point, all I really have to say to you is that you and your collection agency had better not be messing with my credit rating over this mess.

Sincerely,
A Customer Who Is MOST DISPLEASED With Your Monopoly Over Cable Services.