Dental Diatribe

About two months after McMoose and I started dating, he revealed to me a great and lasting distaste for all things related to dental care and ever since then, I've been trying to get him to go to a dentist. Because his teeth? They're brown. And they have a grid-like set of lines on them. And I wouldn't be all that surprised if they all fell out of his head and he had to start wearing dentures. Except that he wouldn't go to the dentist to get the dentures, so he'd probably just wear the plastic Halloween costume teeth. (Which actually would be pretty cool).

So when we got engaged (almost 16 months ago, mind you), I told him that people die of heart disease EVERY DAY and dental health is (somehow) related to heart disease and if he didn't go to the dentist, he'd die by the age of 31. And he looked at me skeptically. And we argued about it CONSTANTLY. Because if he dies at the age of 31, I will be left with 1 dog, 2 cats, and at LEAST 1 child. And probably a mortgage and student loans. And then, I'll die, just from the sheer stress of it and then, the dog will go to a pound and the cats will be evicted and will probably get run over by a car on the highway and the kid will be sent to an orphanage, where he/she will have to pay off room and board, PLUS the outstanding mortgage and student loans by working in the circus. AND ALL BECAUSE MCMOOSE WON'T GO TO THE FREAKING DENTIST.

Finally, at the beginning of this year, I decided that the best way to quit arguing about it was to come up with a Dentist Deadline. So after discussing it for a while longer, it was decreed that the Dentist Deadline would be December 31st, 2008 and that by this date, McMoose would have gone to the dentist. Now...I don't know if you've looked at the calendar recently, but right now? It's November 18th. Which leaves us just about a month and a half until the Dentist Deadline. And not only has McMoose not yet been to the dentist, but when I oh-so-gently reminded him about the looming deadline, he replied with, "I know, but it's just so hard to find one." Because, you know, there isn't a dentist's office in EVERY SINGLE STRIP MALL IN AMERICA.

And the ironic part about all of this? My right incisor hurts and I would give ANYTHING to go to the dentist, but I have no dental insurance.