A List

Things that I expected during pregnancy:
1. Weight gain
2. Morning sickness
3. A baby at the end of it

Things I most certainly did NOT expect during pregnancy:
1. Nose bleeds.
2. The 16 trips per day to the bathroom because of the whole 4-inch-tall-person-living-on-top-of-my-bladder thing. And also, the unfortunate effect of sneezing.
3. The strange, baby-related dreams which, oddly enough, also always include an axe murderer. Last night, for example, I dreamed that I had five babies and one of them turned into an adult, even though the other four were still babies. And he said that he felt ignored his entire childhood, so he killed the other babies and then turned into a cat. And then, the alarm rang, and I'm just supposed to wake up and go about my day? LIKE NORMAL?
4. The crazy advice that people give me. And also, the fact that most of this advice ends with "If you don't follow this advice, YOUR BABY WILL DIE."