Over the week or so, I've been very passionate in my moods. Which isn't to say that I've been the least bit STABLE in them. I've gone through the spectrum of sad to happy, hopeless to unrelentingly optimistic, angry to ambivalent. And seriously? I would like to STOP IT NOW. Because this? This being moody all the time? This constant shifting from The-World-Is-Wonderful-And-I-Love-Life to Damn-Everything-And-Everyone-I-Just-Want-To-Be-Left-The-Hell-Alone? It is absolutely, undeniably EXHAUSTING.
On Tuesday, I was anxious and antsy and convinced that the world would come to a crashing, fiery end within the next 12 hours. On Wednesday, despite the fact that it was raining and miserable AND despite the fact that I could barely keep my eyes open, I was in such a beyond-good mood that I could almost hear the Angelic Host. Seriously. That's how thrilled I was with life.
And today, I feel normal. Like an actual, everyday human being. Or so I thought. Until I realized that it isn't that my emotions aren't crazy and out of control, it's that my emotions are curiously absent. I found out that my (favorite) office mate is moving to a different building...I wasn't sad. I found out that the vending machine now stocks WHITE CHEDDAR POPCORN, which I have loved since the age of 8...I wasn't happy. I'm just...even. Calm. Stepford wife-ish, if you will. And as exhausting as the constant mood swings were, this flatness is just so much more boring. At least when I'm being overly pessimistic, I can tell myself to SNAP OUT OF IT PLEASE, YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS. And when I'm being overly optimistic, I can go along and enjoy the day because really, what else are you going to do? But this calm, stable person whose presence has been so scarce lately? What in the world am I supposed to do with HER?
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