High Fashion

My mom always tells me about a woman in her office who is about as pregnant as I am, but who apparently has managed to expand in such a way that she always looks well put together and adorable. I, in comparison, have expanded in such a way that I cannot get up off the couch without first rocking back and forth to build up momentum. Hell, even The Dog feels bad for me and has started walking into his cage of his own free will when I call him because he and I both know that there's no way I can chase him, catch him, and carry him in there.

So what does a person like me wear? Before this whole experience, I would have thought, "Why, maternity clothes, of course!" Now that I'm smack dab in the middle of this experience, I'd like to reach back in time and smack that cheerful, past self. Because maternity clothes were apparently made for (a) people like the woman in my mom's office or (b) people who are four months pregnant. Which means that they were decidedly NOT made for people like me because I am now at the point where none of my shirts--my MATERNITY shirts--are long enough to cover the entire belly, which means that they no longer cover the elastic band on my pants. And every morning, I cringe at the thought of walking around in public with my navy blue, elastic clad belly hanging out from under my shirt.

I'm starting to understand the wisdom behind walking around in workout pants and a tank top, except that I have a mental block that prevents me from leaving the house in workout pants on a weekday morning. I've tried. I've failed. So here I am, with my elastic band jeans, my too-short shirt, and the flip-flops that have become my standard footwear, now that I can no longer reach my feet to put on socks. Meanwhile, I'm surrounded by people wearing suits and high heeled shoes and I AM JEALOUS.